Eating at IKEA, a small collection of links, and a speedrunning Shiba inu.
Pass the 40 and the plant-based KÖTTBULLAR.
At YBNBO, Thursdays are for links, private Google searches, music, media, culture, the internet, and shopping.
The internet influences what we do offline. What we do offline affects how we use the internet.
Of the many schools, hospitals, and wats (สุเหร่า) I’ve had the pleasure of dining at, IKEA takes the Kev-brained accolade of Best Cafeteria by a longshot. And believe me, that’s a good title to win buddy.
Everyone should eat at IKEA. It’s decent and very, very cheap food. It’s not high class but I’m a man of the people; I’ve been known to enjoy Burger King, purchase frozen pizzas, and, on rare drunken occasions, smoke a 305 cigarette. (Yes, really, a 305.) IKEA serves the food of our people and our people don’t even know it. It’s a shame when people would much rather study at a Starbucks or visit a Panera Bread when our nation’s freest theme park (IKEA) is right there and has a massive, extravagant exit if you consider leaving the showroom the act of exiting through the gift shop.
You just need to reframe what IKEA is. Perception always intercedes between reality and ourselves. The map is not the territory. IKEA is not a furniture store. IKEA is a restaurant.
The thing with IKEA cafeterias is that they operate at a loss so they can trap people inside and entice them with Swedish plant-based meatballs (HUVUDROLL), giving them a pause from perusing furniture and envisioning a dream home that looks exactly like an Airbnb so they can argue about how many more KALLAX and BILLY shelves they need in their apartment or if that sweet new DYVLINGE chair that keeps popping up on TikTok is worth $200. It’s kinda like the grocerant, except everything is cheap and good, and instead of accidentally buying too many groceries because you went shopping while hungry, you can just, uh, fucking leave, dude.
You can’t really casually walk out with much at IKEA. I mean, you can, but not many people have the money or the space to cop another sofa after grabbing Swedish plant-based meatballs.
(Quick aside: I’m vegetarian again and I keep telling people this in different ways and I can already tell it’s annoying people. I’ll stop in March.)
If you’re hungry hit up IKEA, grab one of those white trays, and slide it down the trio of metal railings, get yourself a cheesecake and sit down and people watch. Bring your homework or your work laptop or whatever––IKEA has free coffee and Wii-fi, and you can practically spend all day there without anyone bothering you. When you’re done, grab some cookies (KAFFEREP) from the small grocery shop they got downstairs and get the fuck outta there.
The poet R.A.P. Ferreira with a new rap.
Stress is a symphony,
I conduct whimsically,
The realities of reveries behind the everyday illusions of the commonplace,
I bend time and space with nothing but a bucket, and, no, not a water receptacle,
I take word and make spectacle,
Watch (a literal Shiba inu named) Peanut Butter speedrun Gyromite for charity.
Shouts to Peanut Butter for raising money at this year’s Awesome Games Done Quick. The patient good boy beat Gyromite, a game where you guide a sleepwalking scientist through his lab by raising or lowering colored pillars out of his way, in 26 minutes 24 seconds, and rallied 70,000 watchers to scrouge tens of thousands of dollars together. But also, shouts his owner JSR_ too, because it takes a long ass time to clicker train into tapping the colored panels you want him to, while also keeping your dog interested in eating ham for nearly half an hour.
Your quick reads.
How the hell do you adapt a game like The Last Of Us Part II?, The A.V. Club
“The first time I caught chlamydia, I was dressed up as Jesus.”, I Hate These People
cult of the character, tracking a trend in otaku culture, suboptimalism
A short one this week.